The title is Star Wars Lightsabers Finally Invented. The otherwise short article contains this paragraph which rather clearly contradicts the title and throws in lots of zany stuff that doesn't quite hit the hilarious high notes it seems to aim for:
Inexplicably, reports suggest that physicists have not yet begun the process of using the technology to build actual lightsaber-style weapons, nor have they perfected the THHHHHHWWWWOM! sound traditionally manifested when duelling Jedis do battle. With a new trilogy of Star Wars films on the way after studio Disney bought all rights to the series through its acquisition of LucasFilm for $4.05bn in October last year, one can only assume scientists are biding their time for a Christmas 2015 debut in toy stores. Reports that Star Wars fans worldwide are desperately poring over new ways to motivate them could not be confirmed at time of publication.